Having healthy communication in marriage is the secret to resolving conflict and avoiding resentment.
As a Marriage Therapist in Florida, I have had the opportunity to work with countless couples struggling with a variety of marital issues. Couples struggle with everything from intimacy issues, financial concerns, parenting styles, trust, priorities, and more.
Most of the time, what is at the root of the problem is a lack of communication. Communication in any relationship is vital and communication in marriage is the lifeline of the relationship.
Communication in Marriage is Vital
Many couples think they if they do not have fights/disagreements/argument that their marriage is healthy.
We know that you and your spouse are two individuals, each entitled to your own thoughts and opinions. So, what does the absence of disagreeing really say?
Is the presence of conflict a marital concern?
Think about this for concept for moment. The presence of conflict is not the concern, it is how the conflict is handled which determines whether there is a communication concern on how a couple resolves conflicts.
I am going to suggest we look at conflict as an inevitable, healthy part of being in a relationship. Why? Because it gives the couple an opportunity to problem solve together. How? By talking and listening, by effectively communicating because communication in marriage is vital. Having effective communication in marriage will benefit the relationship in so many ways. The following are a few of the ways communication will help your marriage.
- fostering emotional intimacy
- preventing resentment from building
- enhancing conflict resolution
- building trust
- encouraging growth as a couple
- providing a foundation for teamwork
- gaining a stronger sense of connection and closeness
Fears That Prevent Communication in Marriage
Couples that are walking on eggshells, usually avoid topics. Do not trade a temporary feeling of talking about an uncomfortable topic for the long-term feeling of tip toeing around the topic for weeks, months, years.
What are some of the fears that contribute to spouses avoiding communication in marriage?
Fear of conflict, concern of rejection, fear of judgement, trying not to hurt the other person’s feeling, worried that your “voice” does not matter and the fear of being misunderstood.
These are some barriers that will prevent the flow of communication. Married couples in a healthy relationship should not walk on egg shells. Create a secure atmosphere in your marriage. Both partners should be able to say what they are each feeling. Open lines of communication can remove barriers and is a wonderful way to becoming marriage masters.
How to Overcome These Fears and Promote Effective Communication in Marriage
Being able to communicate is very important. Without it, resentment can grow. Topics that could have been talked about early on will gain strength in a negative way if they have time to fester without talking about it.
When you and your spouse talk about a topic,
Do you…
- interrupt each other? If you do, stop. Please let your spouse finish their thought. It is important that you each feel like your voice is being heard and you can fully say what you want to say. Interrupting can also make your spouse feel shut down, like what they want to say does not matter. It also moves the conversation’s point of view, from the spouse who was speaking to the spouse who was listening.
- listen to your spouse’s perspective? When you listen, postpone your own agenda, and please hear your spouse’s perspective. You do not need to agree with their perspective. Just try to understand why they feel that way.
- listen to reply? Instead of listening to reply, try listening to hear with understanding and empathy.
- put down all devices and give your spouse 100% of your attention? If the two of you can block out distractions and only focus on each other that helps. So please put down your phone and make this conversation top priority. If the timing for the conversation is not good (you need to go to work, late for an appointment, expecting an urgent call), then share that with your spouse and agree on a time that you can both be 100% present for the conversation to take place.
- argue until you are both exhausted and feel like you still did not get anywhere with the topic? If you need to take a break, take one. Come back to the conversation in a different frame of mind. It is important to return to the conversation so it is not a topic that you sweep under the rug.
Marriage Therapy Can Help with Communication in Marriage
As a Licensed Marriage Therapist, I sit with couples hearing their concerns as they share their married life struggles. Many times, they need communication tips before we can address the topics that either cause conflict or are avoided altogether.
If you and your spouse feel like there is an invisible wall between the two of you that over time gets bigger and bigger taking over the relationship, then it is time to examine that wall. Is the wall there because of judgment, blame, resentment, hurt?
In my twenty plus years as Marriage Therapist in Florida, I have extensively studied couples and learned ways to help couples manage their marital issues.
I help couples with communication resulting in each spouse feeling heard with understanding and empathy. With my expertise and direction couples learn how to tweak the way they communicate and develop their problem-solving skills together as a team.
When couples work with me, they walk away from the experience with a tool belt of communication skills that are useful, practical and when applied, very effective.
If you are in Florida and would like to work with a Relationship Expert who can help, contact me. I Transform Relationships, one relationship at a time and your marriage can be next.
Your Relationship Expert,
