Connection in Marriage
One of the biggest concerns I hear from married couples is a lack of connection. Couples feel they have grown apart and it has created a distance in their marriage so large that they do not know what to do.
In many marriages the distance has some deep resentments, conversations that have been avoided and then healing needs to happen before the marriage can go back to a time when the spouses each had a positive feeling about their marriage and each other.
The Pina Colada Song
Distance can create an awkwardness that is hard to navigate.
Whenever I hear the Pina Colada song on the radio it reminds me that distance is something that has been happening in relationships for years.
Why? Couples get content with the status quo yet it doesn’t bring the joy that is desired.
Couples take their partners for granted and that leads to dissatisfaction.
In relationships, one or both can cause some sadness and without a proper repair the hurt feelings tend to linger.
In the Pina Colada Song, entitled Escape, written by Rupert Holmes, the song says, “I was tired of my lady. We’d been together so long. Like a worn-out recording. Of a favorite song.”
And then the song’s chorus is his discovery of a personal ad describing his desires of liking pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.
The special part of the song is when he sees that the person who wrote the ad is his lady and they both desire more and they can fulfill their desires together. That is the take away.
So, I’m not suggesting a personal ad, I am suggesting conversation.
Conversation with your spouse. Conversation that answers questions that can connect the two of you. The hope is that you can grow together by staying curious and learning about each other.
Don’t take your spouse for granted, don’t just sit in “content”.
Prevent the Disconnection
How can you prevent the disconnection from happening? The answer is simple and the solution takes time, effort, patience and understanding.
The answer, nurture your marriage. The saying is, “The grass is greener where you water it.”
The solution, focus on your spouse, prioritize your marriage.
How? By spending time together, staying curious about each other, keeping the friendship alive, maintaining a level of intimacy that is satisfying and supporting one another during good and bad times whether it is something small or something big.
As a Relationship Expert, my advice is to focus on recreating the connection you and your spouse once felt in your marriage.
Keep in mind that when it comes to relationship building,
Small Changes = Big Results.
Tips on Recreating Connection in Marriage
If you are looking for some tips to get things started, to make your spouse feel noticed and seen, try something from the list. Maybe this list will also spark some creativity from you and your spouse.
Here’s to you and your spouse connecting and enjoying spending time together!
- Ask questions to “get to know” each other all over again
- Take a romantic stroll in a scenic area
- Read a book together
- Learn something new together
- Flirt with your spouse
- Schedule date night
- Be intimate
- Take a kid free vacation
- Look at old photos and remember the memories
- Send a thinking about you text
- Plan and cook a meal together
- Hold hands and look at each other
- Share comments of appreciation
- Turn off the electronics
- Exercise together
- Slow dance
- Hug more, kiss more
If you and your spouse at are a total loss and feeling stuck, contacting a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in marriage therapy and couples counseling would be a great step.
Many times, couples need more then the tips on the list. When more is needed, couples struggle to do it on their own. You are not alone; I am here and happy to help.
As your Relationship Expert in Florida, I will guide the two of you on a journey of healing conversations. Contact me today so your marriage will be the connecting, fulfilling relationship that you desire.
Your Relationship Expert,