Do you set goals for things you want to accomplish, see happen or change? Do you have marriage/relationship goals? Setting goals for your marriage is a good idea. Keep in mind that you do not need to wait for a New Year or a Monday to get started. Any time is a good time to start making changes when changes are needed.

What would make your marriage stronger? What is an achievable goal that would help move your marriage in a positive direction?

Take this informal marriage assessment by answering these questions. Do you communicate effectively? What happens when you argue? Do you walk away feeling angry? Do issues get swept under the rug and then reappear at another time? Do you feel like you each play an equal part in taking care of the children and the household responsibilities? Do you spend quality time with your spouse focusing on the relationship, intimacy and each other? Do you know your spouse’s needs, wants, hopes and desires?

Think about your answers to these questions. Would you like to see some shifts in the relationship? Start by focusing on the positives that are happening in your relationship and then look at the negatives. Have a conversation about the positives you notice and the ways to improve the areas that weak.

Tips for Having a Conversation About Your Marriage Goals

  1. Schedule a time to talk and each come prepared with a list of some things that are important to you.
  2. Make sure the time you chose is free from distractions.
  3. Be open and prepared to listen, validate and understand.
  4. Recognize that what you are doing now is not working and decide together that things need to change.
  5. Take responsibility for your role in the things that need to change in your marriage.
  6. Make suggestions for the changes and be open to the suggestions made by your spouse.
  7. If the communication around this topic is not productive and the ideas are not flowing, contacting a Relationship Expert can help the process so you can achieve the desired results.

Some Ideas for Your Marriage Goals

  1. Have better communication with your spouse.
  2. Have a different way to handle conflicts with your spouse.
  3. Deepen your friendship with your spouse.
  4. Have a good balance for work/family time/couple time and individual time.
  5. Enjoy more quality time with your spouse.

Steps to Help Achieve Your Goals

  1. Show and verbalize more appreciation for your spouse. Appreciation in a marriage goes a long way and it a reconnector.
  2. Being mindful of your words and compliment more as you criticize less.
  3. Have more conversations that include listening, really listening and hearing, not listening to defend. Try to understand your spouse’s perspective and validate their feelings.
  4. Take the time to learn about each other’s daily life. One suggestion is to do a daily sharing of the high point and the low point of your day.
  5. Schedule a weekly meeting with your spouse to look at each person’s schedule for the upcoming week.
  6. Find some time to have quality couple time and make having a date night a priority.
  7. Add some extra romance to your marriage.
  8. Show affection more often. A hug or a kiss can be the gentle reminder that says, “I care about you”.
  9. If needed, see a Relationship Expert for marriage and relationship counseling or relationship enhancement counseling.
  10. Try the activity, Papers in a Jar. Make slips of paper in two different colors. Each spouse takes a color. Write down the things that your spouse does that you appreciate. At the end of the week pull out the papers and read them together. It is a nice positive way to review the week. Bonus suggestion…Keep in mind tip #1 on this list and mention things as they are happening as well as writing it down. Reading the papers from the jar is a great way to start your weekly meeting, tip #5.


Take some time and figure out what you need/want from your marriage and have your spouse do the same. Knowing what each other needs and wants is a great place to start. Becoming aware and then listening, showing understanding and validating each other are the next steps. When couples know what they need/want and what their spouse need/want that is when the shifts happen and the results can be magical.

This blog was written to give some suggestions to help you improve your relationship. It might not be the answer for all relationships. If you want some assistance and guidance in forming your marriage goals as well as having a productive conversation about your marriage so you can achieve your goals, contact me today. I transform relationships, one relationship at a time.

You Relationship Expert,