Empty nest and marriage, how will the two of you cope with the change, adjust to being a couple again and nurture the marital connection?
Empty Nest, What Does That Mean?
Empty nest, such an interesting phrase, what does that mean?
It means that our beloved child/children have moved out of our home, leaving one or two parents in the household.
It means a shift in the house, a new chapter for the family.
Millions of parents have experienced what is commonly called empty nest syndrome. One of the most common reasons this happens is because their child is going off to college and now the house feels a little empty. The nest has less people.
Some parents are excited about this phase and others are dreading it. Some parents have mixed feelings and their emotions are all jumbled up. One feeling is excitement for their child, proud that they are about to enter a new, independent phase in their life. At the same time as a parent, you could be feeling lost, sad, and unsure of what the next chapter looks like for you and your marriage.
Empty Nest and Marriage
One of the hardest things about parenting is they grow up. One of the most rewarding things about parenting is they grow up.
As parents we spend time preparing our child to leave and forget to prepare ourselves.
Many couples put their marriage on hold while the children are growing up. The children become the center of the universe, the focal point of the family and little to no time is dedicated to being a couple and nurturing the marriage.
Empty nest and marriage, a time to cope with change, adjust to being a couple again and nurture the marital connection that might need some tender loving care to revitalize the spark.
You and your spouse are entering the next chapter of your marriage. Where will it take you and how do you reconnect?
My Story of Empty Nest and Marriage
I am sharing my empty nest and marriage story with hope that my insights into my recent experience will resonate with you. I hope it provides some valuable tips as you navigate the empty nest phase as a married couple.
Let me start by validating that empty nest syndrome is real and inevitable. I heard about it for years. Now I am feeling it, experiencing it, living it.
As a parent, we want our kids to be happy, healthy, feel a sense of belonging and call!
As a mom, I needed some tools for coping and as a wife, I am looking forward to spending some extra time with my husband and experiencing the next chapter in our marriage of 20 plus years.
I have noticed that both parents can experience the sense of loss, the feeling of sadness and wondering what is next. For the parents who are shedding some
tears, we are with you.
Our son recently started college, summer B at the University of Florida in Gainesville Florida. We needed to adjust as individuals and as a couple.
We are learning to embrace the quiet as we look forward to his calls and visits.
We are also learning how to be “just us” again. The “us” we were in the beginning. The “us” that built a beautiful life, raised a family and are ready to tip toe into the next chapter.
We focused on us this summer, we started a new hobby of cooking different foods, we planned several trips as we want to travel a bit more now that we are not tied down to a busy sports schedule.
As parents, we are happy that he is happy. We take comfort in knowing that we raised such an incredible young man. One who is confident, strong, intelligent, and compassionate.
We are also happy that my husband and I nurtured our marriage along the way. Yes, at times, we felt a bit rusty and let life as a parent take over a bit too much. Fortunately, we usually recognized it quickly and made a conscious effort to
maintain our connection.
Ready or not, this next phase is here and we are happy that we are going to share it together.
Is Your Marriage Ready for the Empty Nest Phase?
As parents of a college child and a married couple, are you wondering how the empty nest phase will affect your marriage?
The relationship with your spouse will change as you both shift the focus from raising children to focusing on each other as you pursue your empty nest dreams.
Is this next chapter one that you feel your marriage is ready for? Did you nurture your relationship through the years or are you entering the next chapter with a stranger?
If you and your spouse kept the friendship strong and the romance alive, you are walking into this chapter with your partner, your best friend. If you did not, you might be asking, is this relationship one that we can reconnect? Is the relationship worth rekindling? If the answer is yes and you are not sure where to begin, try some marital tips.
Marital Tips for Empty Nest and Marriage
Now you are left with an empty nest and a need to fill your time. This is the next chapter and it is an opportunity to focus on your marriage and yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I want? What do I want to do with my spouse?”
Now is the time to answer with your needs in mind, not with what will fit into your child’s schedule.
The daily atmosphere in the home will be different and as a couple it is time to figure out your new normal, your new routine. Take time to focus on each other, spend quality time together and make some new rituals.
Have open communication about your feelings, thoughts, wants and desires during this phase with daily check ins, time set aside to talk each day.
The relationship with your spouse will change as you both shift the focus from raising children to focus on each other as you pursue your empty nest dreams.
This next chapter can have some positive changes and some challenges.
Positive Changes That are Possible
Renewed Focus on the Marriage
Now that the daily demands of children are not front and center, couples have more time and energy to devote to each other. This can strengthen your bond and make your relationship stronger than ever.
Increased intimacy
Without children in the house, there is more privacy and fewer interruptions. Couples will have more time and opportunities for physical and emotional intimacy.
Shared Goals and Projects
This new relationship phase can provide couples with more time to rediscover shared interests and hobbies. It is an opportunity to work on shared goals such as traveling, volunteering, or starting new hobbies together. This will give couples an opportunity for more quality time with each other.
Uninterrupted Time
Time to focus on each other and the relationship.
Where should you begin?
- Go on regular date nights, be your spouse’s girlfriend or boyfriend again
- Flirt with your spouse like you did at the beginning, you now have the luxury to just focus on each other
- Travel, go to new cities, states, and countries, take an adult only cruise
- Find hobbies for married couples, like a cooking class, line dancing, playing pickle ball, golf, tennis
- Finish household projects you put off, until you had some time like paint or retile the bathroom, organize your closets
- Do puzzles, watch new television shows together, just drink coffee and talk
- Go to the theatre, the movies, a beach, or a museum
- Exercise together, my husband and I are walkers and we are challenging each other to keep increasing our daily steps
Possible Challenges During the Empty Nest Phase
Marital Strain
Sometimes in marriages, issues get “masked” by the busy life of parenting. When couples reach the empty nest phase conflicts can become more apparent.
Another noticeable strain can be that while the children were growing, the marriage was not growing and now at this stage you feel more like disconnected strangers instead of connected partners.
Communication Struggles
Couples might realize that their conversations revolved around their children and the business of the day. Couples might need to relearn how to connect on a personal level.
Empty Nest Syndrome
One spouse or both might experience extreme sadness and loss. This can put a strain on the relationship. Hopefully, in your marriage you have nurtured an atmosphere for open and supportive conversations and are able to navigate this topic.
Identity Crisis
Many couples have primary focus on parenting for many years. When becoming an empty nester, one or both spouses might struggle with their sense of purpose. This can lead to tension in the marriage.
Empty Nest and Marriage, Time for the Transition Period
Now you have an adult who is independent and ready to move to the next chapter of independence. As your child moves on to his/her next chapter, you and your spouse are transitioning into yours.
Surviving and thriving through this transitional phase is essential.
Keep in mind, your parenting is not over, it is just changing. Your child will still need you; it might be different. This was always the goal, to raise a confident child who can flourish on his own.
As parents, you gave your child roots and now as they find their wings and fly, seize the opportunity to rediscover yourself and your life as a couple as you soar into your next chapter.
If you and your spouse are struggling to get reconnected, contact me, I can help. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Florida, with over two decades of experience, I have helped hundreds of couples communicate and reconnect during any phase in their relationship.
Your Relationship Expert,
P.S. If you are an empty nest mom and looking for support, please read my blog written especially for you.
