Conflict in marriage is commonly thought of as a major concern and yet, I am suggesting that conflict in marriage is healthy. I am going to suggest that we explore how conflict in marriage can be an opportunity, a way of moving forward in the relationship.
It is important to recognize that for conflict to be healthy, it needs to be managed in a respectful, non-judgmental, empathetic manner with a focus of resolution instead of winning an argument.
You and your spouse are not clones of each other. You are both individuals who came together, for hopefully the reasons of love, friendship, and the want to build as well as nurture a life together.
You do not always share the same opinion and thoughts on every topic. And that is ok. How do you voice your opinion and thoughts? How do you listen and honor your spouse’s opinion and thoughts?
If the couple has the tools to have a conversation where they can communicate effectively, then the conflict could be productive and healthy for the relationship and there are several reasons why.
Conflict in Marriage Can be Healthy
1. Improves Communication
Conflict puts couples in a position to communicate their needs, desires, and concerns. If the couple can effectively communicate, they can understand each other with clarity and prevent misunderstandings from occurring. Conflict in marriage cannot be avoided and yet if each spouse can be the speaker and the listener, conflicts can be discussed. When sitting in the speaker role, one needs to articulate their thoughts clearly and express from their feeling without blame, judgment, criticism, or contempt. Equally important is when the listener listens. It needs to be with open ears and hearts, while trying to understand their spouse’s perspective to hopefully be able to empathize and validate.
2. Promotes Constructive Dialogue
Conflict in marriage can lead towards blame and letting emotions drive the conversation. If each spouse is looking for an individual win each time, then the relationship will struggle for a win. If a couple can engage in a dialogue that is open, honest, and vulnerable, couples can focus on finding a relationship win.
3. Strengthens the Relationship
If you and spouse create the type of environment in your marriage that fosters communication and includes being open to both perspectives during conflict, then you are creating a culture in your marriage of teamwork and creating opportunity for a win for the relationship. This marital atmosphere will strengthen your bond, keep your connection strong as well as foster trust and intimacy.
4. Identifies Issues
Conflict can bring up issues and open the opportunity to talk about them in a productive, respectful way. Many times, I hear from one of the spouses in a couple that they do not want to bring up the conflict so they do not cause a problem. They feel like not talking and stuffing it down, would be helpful. When we talk about it in session, one or both spouses realize that by avoiding a difficult conversation they are creating more problems and unnecessary stress to themselves and the relationship. Have the conversation. It might be uncomfortable but that discomfort does not last if you have the tools to effectively communicate. Please do not let having a temporarily uncomfortable conversation be your marital norm. If it is, then you are trading in short term uncomfortableness for long term resentment, unhappiness, and the likelihood that the conflict will be repeated.
5. Enhances Problem Solving Skills
Couples learn to work together to handle difficult situations. Being able to problem solve as team, is an important marital skill. This skill will be valuable throughout your lives together. If a couple can problem solve it will reduce escalation allowing the couple to address issues calmly and rationally.
Conflict in Marriage and What Are Your Options?
As a couple, what should you do if the conflict is handled in a way that is impacting the quality of the relationship in a negative way?
If your communication is struggling and you want to navigate it on your own, find resources that would be helpful. You can start by reading some of my other relationship blogs that can be found on my website. You can also gather information from relationship books or listen to a podcast from a licensed professional in the mental health field who specializes in couples and communication.
If you and your spouse are stuck and communication is a struggle, your conversations go around in circles and you are not getting anywhere by talking, you feel exhausted, you know there must be a better way to communicate, then it might be time for a Relationship Expert to step in and help.
Marriage therapy and couples counseling is extremely effective in helping to give couples the tools they need to have the life long skill of being able to handle their conflicts in marriage.
As a Relationship Expert, with over 20 years of experience I have worked with hundreds of couples to improve their communication skills so they can navigate their conflicts in a healthy way. Why stay stuck in a negative cycle when help is a phone call away? If you live in Florida and want to work with an experienced Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, contact me today.
I Transform Relationships, one relationship at a time and your marriage can be next.
Your Relationship Expert,
